No, not with the website this time, though I have worked a bit more today on getting the glitches fixed and the pages running right again. Nope, this time I'm officially obsessed with this wedding. I swore up and down I would not become obsessed with this wedding. I wasn't going to be like that. I just didn't care about details. All I wanted was family, friends and an open bar. I guess I lied. I'm obsessed!
Favors. Guest List. Attendants. Flowers. Photographers. DJs. Wedding band/music. Catering. Colours. And don't even get me started on DRESSES! It's insane. I don't know how people ever make it through long engagements! I can't decide what clothes to wear to work today or what to eat for lunch, much less what I will eat on my ONE wedding day. Or what music will play on my ONE wedding day. Or what flowers. Or anything else. Decisions, decisions, decisions. But at least I'm getting into it now. I sort of had the "whatever" attidude for a while, but now that I've been killing myself with dress shopping, I'm sort of getting into it. Speaking of dresses, thanks for everyone who has provided opinions and thoughts! Especially my mommy who sat on the internet for hours with me pouring over picture after picture of gowns online. The one thing I do regret about this wedding is not being able to share it more personally with our families in Florida - there's just so much you can do over the phone, fax and email. But they are all wonderful nonetheless.
Anyway, one thing wedding planning has done for me is provide me an opportunity to be introspective on where I've been, where I'm at now and where I'm heading. I'm glad we've got a semi-long engagement, because it's really given me a chance to take stock of everything and really "prepare" to move onto the next step of my life. I never though marriage would affect me so profoundly, as I've never been that kind of person. But I've really had an opportunity to figure out more of who I am and what I want to be. I try not to think of marriage as losing anything, most importantly yourself, but in a way you do move on and put a lot of your past behind you. I guess for girls it can be even more profound because we give up our names (huge, unfair presumption here, but since I plan to, I'm speaking from my thoughts), something that really is a core of who we are. My entire life I've been "Melissa Flynn." My license says it. My degrees say it. My buisness cards, email and name plates all say it. But on April 8th I'll be Melissa Raffensperger. First, it won't even fit on half of those above mentioned items. Second, I'm not used to the way it sounds. I'm not sure how long it will take for me to respond to it. When I have kids they won't ever know I had a totally different name before I married their dad. They won't know a thing about who I was before I was their mom. I wonder if old friends will still be able to find me and track me down. Will my current friends even take the time to learn how to spell it? Will my family, for that matter? :)
Okay, enough of that. I feel my thoughts are going more random then any particular direction and when they do that I need to regroup and get things together in my head before I ramble myself to death.
Thanks mommy for your help. One of these days we'll find the right dress - now go ask your boss for time off work to visit The Lou!
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2 comments:
I am coming - with or without asking Ben. I just will not be at work one day and someone will notice I am gone.
And I understand about the name. I have always said I was not a very good "Flynn" and I thought I would have to take back "Winstanley" - almost as "good" as Raffensperger (did I spell it right???) before I came back into my own. What I discovered was - it was not the name - it was the attitude. Always remember what G-ma has "preached" since you would listen (has that happened yet!!) REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE. The name is just for identification. You have already been through one transformation - when you decided to use Elizabeth-Ann. These metamorphoses do not take away from who you are - they add so much. Just make it all for the better.
And I disagree with your kids not knowing who you were before they were. I think you and Bo know me as well (good(?) - never can get that one figured out) as my oldest friends such as John. They will know as much as you will let them know.
As for friends finding you - I do not think that will ever be a problem. You are so good about keeping in touch with everyone. And anyone who slips through that net can always reach me or Bo - his name will not change. My friends from far and near have always managed to come with my number when they wanted to reach out to me - they know I am not one to keep touch.
Everyone should now understand where you got your verboseness from - your father, of course!
Always remember there are so many people "out here" who love you for who you are - not for what you are named. Ca Winstanley is one of them. Catherine Ann Flynn is another!
I love that I have a way of checking in on you, and I don't think I'll have a hard time tracking you down after the name change. For what it's worth, I'm also a lot more obsessed with wedding planning than I ever thought I would be. And I still haven't found "the one." (Dress, I mean. Obviously I found the one guy!) Even though there's a lot of distance between us, I think it's really cool that we're going through similar things at the same time. It makes me feel closer to you. Good luck with all the planning. Amo te semper.
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