Isolated.

There are a lot of feelings I have in life that I find it hard to pin a word on. Today is one of those, those "isolated" does a pretty good job. As I've said ad infinitum (great law school vocabulary for you there), Cody and I really like our lives in St. Louis - it's not that St. Louis is the greatest city in the entire world, we know that is not the case, it leaves much to be desired (clean air for one) - it's just that we have a really good life here - we've made this our "home." We've exercised our independence, developed ourselves and our relationship just the two of us and made a "home." Well, today that "home" feels isolated.
As I posted earlier in the week, my car was broken into over the weekend- they took about 150 CDs - my collection - my collection of almost 20 years. I felt awful but we move on and there's only so long you can dwell on it. Our solution was to subscribe to an MP3 service and just download the CDs and songs as they come to me. Works for me. I didn't report the crime because (a) I'm lazy and it takes time and (b) it wasn't that big a deal.
And then I came home today. It was a perfect Friday afternoon - happy hour and then come home and meet Cody. He finally got his motorcycle back from the shop and we were debating what to do with our evening. He went to get something out of his car (in the garage) and came back in, ever so calmly, and told me our garage had been broken into. I, of course, ran outside and sure enough, the door had been kicked it, the deadbolt knocked out and our garage broken into. We're thinking it happened sometime during the day, while we were at work and stupid kids were off school bored. Anyway, they took both Cody and Dude's bikes. Cody's was his bike from when he was 10 years old and it barely worked, so the theives got about $10 worth there, but Dude's was a nice bike worth several several hundred dollars. Then they took Cody's welder, given to him by his dad. Also, not worth a ton of money because it was old, but to replace it is big money. They also took the battery charger (we need it for the motorcycle) and a bunch of my garden tools (lopers, hedge trimmers). We're not sure what else yet - I'm sure we'll think of things as time goes on and realize they were in the garage and realize they were taken. Stupid theives left my bike (only worth $20 - I got it out of the classifieds in the paper), two computer monitors, a PC, two sets of really nice (and expensive) golf clubs, a microwave, a dorm fridge and some other random, more expensive stuff. So in terms of value they didn't get much but they did more damage to the door then anything else. So tonight we seriously boarded the door to the garage shut - literally screwed a 2x4 into the door and the wall so there is no way to get the door open (no deadbolt left) - so now we have to enter and exit through the automatic garage door. Doh! So tomorrow, our plans of fun and relaxing are gone, and instead we will be at Home Depot, buying a new door, new wood for the door jams (they busted up those when they busted out the deadbolt), new locks for the garage (and while we're at it the entire house - front, back and basement doors), and a bunch of chain to chain the remaining items together. We will then work on getting anything of value out of the garage and in the basement and then making a system to reinforce the basement door - a 2x4 blocking the door that you can only move from the inside. And then we move on to the backyard fence - finishing the wood part (8 ft tall) where there is just chain link now and where there is chain link at the very end near the alley (where the gate is - that will now have a padlock) put a 8 feet iron fence with spiky tops - the cops that came said that makes it so my thug friends can't jump it - else they impale their nether regions.
So, yeah I'm mad and scared and upset and violated that they took our stuff. But more mad then anything that they broke into MY space. My car is one thing - that makes me mad but it's just my car. My house and garage are a totally different story. That's personal. That's MY space. Where I'm supposed to feel safe and comfortable.
So, to the isolated part. Being here, so far from family in times like this makes me feel isolated. I don't feel lonely or alone because I have Cody here. But if this were to happen while we lived in Florida we could have gone to a parent's house and camped out for the night. They could have come over and comforted us while we called the cops, went through what was missing, and went through their reports. They could have calmed me down. When my brother's house was broken into years ago my mom and I went over there to help out. When things ever happened in Tally we'd all be there for each other - but now it's just us here by ourselves. We have to comfort ourselves, deal with the cops by ourselves and deal with this feeling of violation by ourselves - no family to come over and make us feel better or no family to run to. So it's not a lonely feeling - but more of an isolation.
So of course tonight reinvigorated the talk of moving. Oddly enough after my diatribe on feeling isolated from family in Florida, we're not talking about moving to Florida, or closer to Florida - but to California. Not forever - not a permanent move - just like St. Louis wasn't - but just for a go at it. Something new - something safer - something exciting to try - and if we hate it, we have no ties and we have no problem moving again. Sure, moving sucks - it's a pain, but we're young and we can, so why not? We'll have to see how things all play out - my job, Cody's job, Cody's MBA application - all sorts of things - we'll just have to see how the cookie crumbles.

The things you think about.

I was changing my belly button ring (or more properly known as a "navel ring") tonight (I had a Gator one in and am changing it to a frog one my mommy got me right before our wedding - the Gator one was for the wedding) and I realized that I've had my belly button ring for longer then I haven't had it. I pierced it before my 15th birthday (sometime in the 9th grade). When I took it out tonight to change it I realized how weird it looked without it and it hit me just how long that thing has been there. Just a thought.

On other thoughts, tomorrow is FRIDAY and that is fabulous. This week has been amazingly calm - owed mostly to several of our plans being cancelled due to torrential downpours so we've had more time free then expected - that will all change very shortly though - like tomorrow. Busy again.

In other news, I had my first bought with physical therapy for my knee today - fun fun. I'm all sorts of off balance with my muscles because I like to run, not do too much cross training and am really lazy when it comes to weights - leading to a crazy muscle imbalance - gotta fix that because I REALLY need to get running again - I only made it 3 minutes today until I was sidelined for pain. Apparently IT band stuff is not something that you just push thorough and take the pain - you're supposed to actually deal with it properly - well that's just no fun and a big pain in my butt. Oh well. Such is life.

Speaking of life, here's one of my favorite wedding photos. I have many favorites but this is one. I feel like this really encompasses how I feel about Cody and I in terms of stature - I always feel like I'm looking up at him and he's off looking somewhere and I have to tap him on the shoulder to tell him something - boy is he tall - and boy am I short (at least in comparison). Anyway, I thought it was cute.

FINALLY!!!

We were married almost 12 weeks ago - and we just TODAY got our professional wedding pictures. Better late then never and while I was getting antsy about them, I was so happy with them it was worth it. They can now all be found at www.cody-missy.com (I have both the ones taken by friends and family and the professional ones). They can also be found at pictage.com if you type in "Raffensperger." They are expensive to buy on Pictage so I plan to upload them onto winkflash or kodakgallery or something since we paid for the rights to the photos. :) Anyway, I'm thrilled with them. I also updated the webpage a bit.
In other news - not much is going on. We've had a relatively uneventful week which is rare for us. I went to the orthopedist yesterday regarding my knee and sure enough I have somehow found my way into IT band syndrome - which means no running in pain - none. So now I have the fun and joy of physical therapy again to try to make me better quick enough that I can still train for the marathon in September. At first I was incredibly frustrated by yet another running injury but I'm taking this one much better - it's like it's not even a shock any more. But I am getting antsy about not running - so hopefully I'll be cleared to go back soon!
Otherwise, we're just waiting on news from Washington University regarding Cody's MBA application. And enjoying our down time. :)

Photos.

I call this one "summer" - beer sitting on a porch outside (Square One Brewery)

My super cool Daylily in the newly revamped front yard.

Cody and his goat friend at Grant's Farm - he's feeding it the milk bottle.

Good Stuff.

And now the good. I have FINALLY updated the website (and taken down the wedding website since I never did much work on it anyway). So www.cody-missy.com finally has some more recent photos up. I fixed the link to the January pictures and added February, March and April. So now I only have May and June to go and I'll be all caught up. Maybe before our kids get married (our unborn, unconceived children) we'll actually get our professional wedding photos. Our contract said we were to get them within 4 weeks. But I didn't feel like being a witch and pestering him so I sort of left him alone and alone until I finally contacted him and he said they would be done "shortly." Then they were supposed to be the weekend before last. Then last weekend. Allegedly they are "in the mail" - 11 weeks after the wedding. So much for those creative Mother's and Father's Day presents I was going to make - we'll just have to wait until Christmas for those. But on the bright side - I hope they're good. And our website is up again. :)

Not so good stuff.

When there is good there is always some not so good. The not so good lately - my car - again!
First the darn thing started acting up again - and we just finished paying it off!!!! It will randomly not start - and it's not the battery. And then once it would start and then just kill and do that over and over again. So I was already in a Missy Car Hating Mood. And then I woke up this morning.
I got in my car as usual and went to go to work. But my "door ajar" light was on. Odd, but not unheard of -so I closed both doors again - but it was still on - it was the trunk. So I closed it and thought "hum, I wonder who left my trunk open?" Then I was driving to work and noticed several items that are usually in my console on my floor. I wondered why Cody would have taken everything out of my console. Then the passenger seat was all the way forward and leaning over (like to get in the back seat). When I went to go for my garage tag it hit me - my car had been broken into AGAIN! They stole all my CDs AGAIN! I swore I wouldn't put them back in there until I had downloaded them all on the computer but when I went to Jefferson City last week I needed music. So I have yet again lost my dear music!!! This SUCKS! I HATE thieves! They totally totally SUCK! And it's not like my CDs are worth ANYTHING - they are CRAPPY CDs - it's all sorts of random stuff that no one else has heard of, dating back to the early 90s, that have absolutely NO "street value." But they meant A LOT to ME! So I'm very angry at said thieves and wish I could beat them with a baseball bat - or at least tell their mother on them. She would NOT be happy with their behavior - maybe I should feed them to my new goat (when we get one).

Summer makes me lazy.

Summer makes me lazy - I've been so bad about posting lately. I blame it on it not getting dark until almost 9pm. Cody and I tend to eat dinner after the sun sets - so in the summer we end up not eating until 9 and then we hang around the house some - just doing chores or hanging out with Dude - so we don't end up heading towards bed until midnight - leaving me no time to blog. But I'm going to try to get better. :)
So - some updates.
Last week was marked mostly by Cody studying for the GMAT. So I spent time painting our porch (I got the deck part done - now time to move on to the porch - it's going to look so nice when I'm finally done!!!) and doing chores. Melanie and I went to the MUNY on Friday and saw "Oklahoma" - there was a very long, odd dream sequence at the end of the first Act but the rest of the play was really good - I really enjoyed it and Cody didn't have to get dragged to a play so we all won. :)
Saturday Cody took his GMAT and rocked it like I knew he would. He's much smarter then he gives himself credit for. He thinks because he's not an English wizard - though very few are (including myself) - but he has really good problem solving skills so even on the english part he did just fine. Now he just has to get that to the admissions people and hopefully we'll hear soon if he gets into the MBA program - cross your fingers! Anyway, once the GMAT was over it was party time again! We all went out to a pretty good Brazilian restaraunt and then went bar hopping - basically going to a bunch of different bars we hadn't tried out yet just to check them out. All in all a really fun night!
Sunday we were planning a float trip but the weather was crappy so we went on a Free Beer in St. Louis Tour. We started at Schafly brewery and took their brewery tour and enjoyed their free beer and then moved on to Grant's Farm. Grant's Farm has quickly earned it's place in my heart as one of the top 5 coolest things in St. Louis - there are animals and there is free beer. After a jungle type ride though this wilderness of wild animals (including a zebra) you are dropped off in the Goat Area. The Goat Area is the coolest thing ever - a bunch of baby goats that all these people are trying to get their very small children to feed with mild bottles - then people get upset when said goats knock said small child over - it's a goat that's bigger then your kid - who do you think was going to win? Anyway, the Goat Area is awesome. And we learned something new this trip - if there is a goat you particularly like you can have them "save" it for you until the end of the season (October) and then you can buy it for $50!!! We thought it would be at least $250 - but for $50 we might just get a goat - Mr. Pickles really needs a friend.
That's most of the weekend - more detailed posts to follow. And goat pictures.

Obsession.

Almost two months ago, to the day, I picked up Harry Potter #1 on the recommendation of a very smart friend. Right now I can't decide if she was that smart after all (just kidding Melissa!!). I just finished Harry Potter #6 - the entire series to date (#7 comes out a month from tomorrow) - and am seriously floored. I can NOT believe what the author has done! Right now I HATE Ms. Rowling!!! Honestly I'm not sure how I'm going to make it through the next month until #7 comes out - all my friends are probably going to want to kill me because that's all I can think about is what will happen in #7. These books are absolutely addicting. I'm obsessed. Maybe I just needed something to fill the empty time now that wedding planning is over (What? I'm married? When did that happen?), but I have read more in the past 2 months then I have in ages - and I'm a pretty big reader. Keep in mind one of those books was close to or at 900 pages long.

Anyway, this author is amazing - I had serious serious doubts when I started the series as to the legitimacy of the popularity, but it's been proven more then I could have imagined. She can write in such a way that makes you feel what the characters are going through - she writes awkward teenage boy in a way that makes you feel awkward for him - she writes joy that makes you smile - she writes sadness that seriously will make you cry. As you read through the book you scream "NO! Don't let that happen!" and then it does and you're floored. How can she do that to her characters? But her response, from the little I've read online, is "that's life."

The only other author that has come close to transferring the emotion that Rowling does (I'm talking modern fiction here) is Anna Quindlen - at the end of the book you just sit there floored. Dumbfounded. But still nothing compared to Ms. Rowling who I hate right now (did I already mention my intense frustration at her?). I can't believe she has put this kid through so much!!! The countdown is on! July 21st is only 1 month away!

p.s. Thanks Cody's folks for getting me the series for my birthday - otherwise I would have had to continue to stalk every branch of the St. Louis Public Library (and all surrounding cities, counties and townships) until I found #5 - thankfully when I finished #4 at 1am one night I could just run downstairs and grab #5 off the shelf already! :)

p.p.s. For those who follow the series - a few thoughts from Cody (who has not read any of the books but watched parts of the movies #1-3): He calls Dumbeldore, "Dumble Snore" and Harry either Harry Pot-Nuts or Harry Pot-Head - creative, huh? :) He's convinced that Lord Voldemort is really Harry's dad (If you know the series you know how crazy this is.) His favorite character so far (in the movies) is Dobby, who I find annoying. And he thinks what happens to Dumbeldore in #6 doesn't really happen (I won't give it away for those who haven't read it).

Family

If you live within an afternoon's drive of your family - give a little thanks today. If you can pick up and drive to see them in a few hours for birthdays, graduations, holidays, or just Sunday dinners, be thankful. While we have been blessed with such a wonderful St. Louis "family" - friends who we can call at 4 am to pick us up from a party or 4pm to help us move a piece of furniture or give up their Saturday to help us move several pieces of furniture (thanks Glenn!!) or just come over anytime for dinner or go to a play, a movie, or grab a drink/some food - it's still hard to miss your real family sometimes.
It was so nice to have my mom here this past week to really get to spend some time together - normally when we're in Florida we're so rushed and so stressed we hardly get to see anyone, much less spend any "quality" time together. We sort of plan out everything and then run here and there and are always thinking of the long drive home, the lack of sleep, how we don't really get to see anyone at all. But this past week Mommy and I got to play in the yard and talk and talk and talk - about all sorts of things that mothers and their grown daughters talk about. It was nice to catch up and spend some time together without the stresses of the rest of life around. But then when she left and got on the plane it made me realize (for the 639th time) how really far away they all are.
Our nephew (our only one, while we have FOUR nieces now!) turns two this Friday and boy would we give anything to be there for his birthday (and for all the other birthday's we'll miss this year). Not only does he have a rockin' party planned (they rented a huge slip-n-slide from my understanding - how fun!) but it would just be cool to see him celebrate with everyone and see him eat cake and slide and enjoy his birthday. But for now at least, we resign ourselves to enjoying our lives here and living off the support of our St. Louis "family." Right now in our lives, while the sacrifices being so far from family are high, the benefits of living here outweighs the sacrifices. Right now we the pros of our life here outweigh the cons of being away from family, living in Missouri and dealing with the cold (I just had to add that part since I HATE the cold). Will it always be like that? Who knows. But for right now, everyone who doesn't have to face that feeling of watching a parent get on a plane or drive off from your front yard knowing that you won't see them again for months, knowing you can't just run to them when you have a problem, be thankful - it's quite a blessing. I know one of the hardest things in the world has to be watching your kid leave (my poor mom has had to watch me leave so many times moving to different places that I figured she would kill me by now for all that torment), but a close second must be to watch your parent leave. So thanks parents, we miss you all and we're thankful you're only 13 hours by car instead of by plane. :)

And we're back to "normal"

Well, mommy's now gone and life is returning to "normal" - that is, if we even have a "normal" in our lives. :) A quick run-down from the rest of her trip: Wednesday we went to my favorite Greek place (love the feta and spinach!), Thursday she and I went to the Science Center and The Zoo (saw babies - the baby elephant, three baby cheetas and a baby kangaroo) and then made one of the only meals I can make and luckily she likes it - enchilladas. I only make it when she is here because Cody doesn't really like them. Friday we went on the Budweiser Brewery Tour and then spent the evening (8pm until 1am) at the City Museum - quite possibly the coolest place in St. Louis. Saturday we sort of hung out, ran some errands and worked in my yard some more and then Sunday she flew out. We, of course, spent the rest of the day resting, cleaning the house and running errands.
Now life is returning to normal - Cody is hard at work studying for the GMAT which he takes on Saturday. He's applying for the MBA program at Wash U so that is quite exciting - that will be really great for him. Then we'll be one over-educated family! I'll just have to go back to school again to see if I can find another degree so I can stay ahead of him. :)
I've been hard at work on the yard - totally redid my front "yard" (we live in the city so the "yard" is about as big as my bathroom). I took out all the grass so we don't look so trashy when we don't mow often enough and replaced it with tons of plants - now I suppose I just have to water more. But it looks really nice and I'm happy with it. I also got the deck staining done and really like the colour - now we just have to paint hte porch and we'll be done in the front. Then on to the back. People in the south don't understand the urgency in which we have to do yard work in the summer - because once September hits you're not very likely to be working in the yard again until May so better do as much as possible while you can!
That's pretty much it for now. More to come later.

Life is good.

Really good. Life is happy. Life is good. Life is grand. So many good things going on right now - like summer for one. Second, I'm already on Book #6 of Harry Potter and the seventh comes out in a bit more then a month - I must admit - I haven't been this obsessed about anything for a long long time. There are certainly bands I was obsessed with but there's only so many times you can realistically see the bands you love at any given time - Harry Potter on the other hand - I can read about him any time I am not forced to be doing something else (like work or sleep). I'm debating picking back up at #1 and re-reading them all (after I finish #6) before #7 comes out just in case I might have missed something - though I'm sure if I had my friend Melissa would have kindly clued me in on it since I go to her office every day to update her on where I am in my Harry Potter adventures (she's read them all and is now re-reading #6 in anticipation of #7). I can't believe little Harry is getting so old already - it seems like just yesterday he was little and 11 - but I guess to me he was since I started Book #1 on our honeymoon at the end of April. :)
Other then that, life is just good. My mom is here, we're having a good time - walked to the Science Center and The Zoo today - saw all the newest baby animals at The Zoo - the baby elephant (adorable), the three baby cheetas (they look like overgrown kitties), and the baby kangaroo - super cute and fun. Then we made these Rock Star enchilladas that we both love that Cody hates so we can only make them when he works late or has class - he had both tonight. Then we had a great evening hanging out with Dude and Cody and just chit chatting - all sorts of stupid stuff - yesterday we argued grammar for at least an hour. Super fun. I'm just really loving life right now so all is good.

Cody's First Invention and I Think He's Pregnant

Cody has great dreams. I admire him for that. One of his biggest is to invent something - or open some kind of entrepreneurial enterprise. He wants to make the next Velcro or something like that. And it's not just some flighty thing - he actually spends time pondering things to invent or a business to open.
So his first is a new smoothie. I personally hate smoothies - while they may be "healthy" they are ridiculously high in calories and don't fill me up so they are useless to me. But Cody has the metabolism of a pack of horses so he can eat anything he wants. So he's been craving a new smoothie idea of his - strawberry, banana and jalepeno smoothie. My first thought was my husband was pregnant. But he insists he's not. So he made one the other day and actually liked it. I was mortally disgusted. So he was hooked.
Today he wanted to make a variation - strawberry, banana, blueberry, jalepeno, dried cayenne pepper and vodka. If you're not disgusted by now something is seriously wrong with you. So he made it. Luckily I found he was still human as he also found it gross - he blames it on the vodka. Anyway, I don't think this is going to be our big money maker - I guess I still have to go to work tomorrow.

Summer Fun with Mommy.

My mommy is currently visiting from Florida (so if you're in STL and I've been bad about returning your calls and/or emails - that's why)! She was supposed to come in on Friday night but due to the wonders of our air travel industry she didn't actually get in until Saturday morning. Basically she showed up at the airport, they told her one thing (me another on the phone), said no flights were going out that night and they booked her on a flight the next morning - BOO airline industry! Anyway, she finally arrived and we all went to one of St. Louis's many fun summer events - the beer festival. This was a micro-beer festival and tons of fun - for $25 you get a glass and get to sample as many beers as you want all day - and there were TONS of beer - and no Bud Light - all micro-brews. Very fun. We planned to go to City Museum that evening but we all pretty much passed out after Brew Fest.
Sunday we planned to go on a "float trip" but the weather was crappy so we checked out Grant's Farm - Cody's favorite part, of course, is feeding the goats - I got some great photos of that. :)
Today I went to work, came home early, shopped for garden supplies at Home Depot and then went to the Shakespere Festival in Forest Park - Much Ado About Nothing. It was an amazing rendition of it and we all had a great time, sans Cody - I think he slept through most of it. He's not real big on the whole play thing.
So far that's it - having a good time, enjoying St. Louis festivities and summer!

Picture Page

Some recent photos.
Mr. Pickles looking silly.

I love ducks. Cody and I saw these on a recent bike ride in the park.

Cody and Dude on the blanket in Forest Park for "Tuesday Night Music at the History Museum"

Cuteness in Wisconsin - Alexius.

It was good though.

Aside from the ranting and hating of my birthday, I ended up enjoying it. It was my first birthday as a Raffensperger actually. Cody had school so when he got home he picked me up all dressed fancy and stuff (this does not happen often) because we were going to a surprise dinner. It wasn't as much as a surprise as he had wanted because the restaurant was downtown and a ton of the exits were closed (road work - the second season in the north - we have winter and road construction) so I had to tell him how to get there with all the closures. We went to The Top of the Met - this cool circular building with a rotating restaurant on the top floor - very cool. We really had a great time watching the baseball game, checking out the skyline and watching the Arch pass by - we got to really relax and talk and stuff so that was really nice. Then he really did good in the present category - at this point in the game it's the thought that counts way more then money - if I really want something I can really go buy it but it's those thoughtful things that really matter. For instance, Cody's parents -my bonus parents - got me the set of Harry Potter!!! How cool is that?!?!?!?!? That was thoughtful - and that means so much more then any money. I love them!!!
Short Harry Potter rant: I'm in LOVE with him! I'm in the middle of book 5, which is like 400 pages in. Harry is going through some major adolescent angst because he is super crappy at times, but it's such a good story. I can't put it down. I have a new, instituted specially for Mr. Potter (as Snape calls him), rule: no reading past 1 am. This is because on Book 3 I sat up until 3 am one night to finish it and was DEAD tired at work the next day - and I cannot do my job at all dead tired. Anyway, I love him, he's my new hero and I wish he were real. My goal is to finish Book 6 by July 20th (the day before Book 7 comes out) so I can go right into #7. If I'm not done with #6 by the 20th, I won't be at work that day - I'm not kidding.
Okay, so I love Harry Potter but I ended up enjoying my birthday day - I still hate the whole "birthday" thing. It's really all about getting older and realizing that I have to give up some of my hopes, dreams, goals, aspirations, etc. - you're always told to dream big, have goals, etc. but they don't ever tell you that one day you're going to be really upset when you run out of time because it's just not feasible to do it all. But I guess in the grand scheme of things, at least I had goals, unlike much of the world today - even if I never did get around to them. For instance, I can never "backpack" around Europe like I always wanted - I've done it some but not to the extent I would like - and now I'm too old for "youth hostels." Some things just have to be said farewell to but I suppose there will always be other dreams and goals to take their place.

Quick Update

So it's been a while since I wrote about what's been going on so here's a quick update:
Memorial Day weekend: We went to Wisconsin for Cody's cousin's wedding.
But first we bought fish. Friday night Cody, Dude and I were all hanging out - we do that often now that Dude lives with us (until he can move into his apartment) and I really wanted to get fish for my big tank (the big mean fish finally died so I cleaned the whole tank out and was going to start over). So we took a field trip to Petsmart - everyone picked a fish - or two - sort of. Dude picked the uglist catfish I've ever seen -then the fish dude said they are "schooling" fish and need to be in at least a pair - so we got two of the uglist fish I've ever seen. Cody got the biggest ugliest snail he could fine. Sounds like a great tank, huh? To balance out their ugly selections, I got two platys and two guppies - so far they all seem pretty happy - one of the platys has already had babies - but all but two of them were eaten. :(
Saturday we woke up bright and early (as in 3am) and drove to Wisconsin - land of cheese and cows. Yes, I did see lots of cows - and some cheese. We picked Cody's folks up from the airport as they had flown in from Florida. Then we went to the Children's Hospital to visit the cutest little (and I mean little) twins you've ever seen. Kennedy and Preston are so cute - but still so little - though Preston is getting big and has already hit 5 lbs. They can go home as soon as they can suck, swallow and breathe at the same time - I can barely talk and walk at the same time so good luck to them.
After the hospital we drove to the middle of nowhere (literally) to Uncle Bob's house. Uncle Bob is awesome and I used to really like him until he tried to convince Cody to purchase a pig smoker - yes, it is a grill/smoker that is built to look like a HUGE PINK PIG - the steam actually comes out of this "pig's" snout. Apparently it was on sale and Uncle Bob was trying to convince Cody who tried to convince me to buy it - I, as the sane and sensible wife, had to put my foot down and say no. But Cody's mom really loves pigs so she'd better watch out! We had a great time grilling at Uncle Bob's with family - got to play with Alexius and Jabob - two really cool kids. Then it was back to the hotel to crash.
Sunday we hung around and then went to Matt and Jessica's wedding. Funny thing about it being Matt and Jessisca's wedding because my friend since middle school, Jessica, was also marrying a Matt - on the same day! Even funnier is that we got both of their invitiations on the same day - so we got two invitations on the same day, both for a wedding of a Matt and a Jessica - creapy. I really wish we could have gone to both but one was (1) family and (2) closer so we had to do that one. It was a great time and got to see a lot of the family we don't see often - weddings up north are always so much more fun then those down south.
Monday - we drove back to STL and cleaned.
The next week we spent a lot of time on bikes - Tuesday we all rode bikes up to the History Museum in Forest Park, took a picnic, listened to the band playing outside and played Frisbee - it was one of those just really cool days (except I landed on my knee wrong in frisbee and it's hurt since - messes up my running!). We also started my grand deck/porch project. You see, our neighbors were always the crummy ones on the block - making us look good. And then they redid their porch and front yard - so now we look like the crummy ones. So we have taken on a task to do the whole "Curb Appeal" thing - I know about "Curb Appeal" because I have internet, not cable -- because I have never actually seen the show. Anyway, so I spent last week bleaching the deck (to get mold, mildew, etc. off) and then brightening it. Then over the weekend we continued that project and ended up building new stairs. The old stairs were very crummy looking so I decided it would just be easier to rip them off and build new ones - when I mentioned this to Cody I got a look of "Are you kidding me, Woman?" But as the wonderful husband he is, he stayed home ripping off wood while I went to Home Depot, bought new wood and then cut it to size. The new stairs rock, they don't get slippery in the rain, and they don't wobble. So now we only have to wait until we have three days with no rain and I can paint the porch part a new white and stain the deck a pretty wood colour. Yipee for home improvement and no more wedding planning!!!
So that's about it - I'm in the process of cleaning the house tonight because my mom comes to visit on Friday and while it was raining on Saturday I decided it would be a good idea to finish painting all the trim downstairs (two projects is always better then one, right?). So now there is painting stuff EVERYWHERE - though the trim totally looks better - not that she'll notice because I doubt (hopefully) she'll remember how bad it looked before I spent all this time painting it.

I hate birthdays.

Specifically mine. I love other people's birthdays - I really do - I find it a time to reach out to those you don't keep in good enough contact and celebrate those who you do keep in good contact with. I love throwing birthday parties - we throw Cody one every year and it's a blast - I love planning it - I love being there - I love celebrating his birthday. But not mine. There are lots of reasons.
First, the older I get the faster the years seem to go by. No kidding - the gap between 9 and 10 was HUGE - it seemed like I waited an eternity to finally reach those double digits. But this last year has just flown by. I feel like I barely even got used to last year's age before this one snuck up on me.
Because of the years going faster, I feel more and more anxiety about how much I still have to do. I can't be getting old - there is so much I still want to do while I'm young!! But I can never do things "young" anymore - never marry "young" - never have kids "young" - never make a million dollars "young" - I'm too old to be "young" anymore. And don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I'm ancient here - Cody's great-grandma is in her upper 90's - that's really old - I'm not there - yet. :) But I feel like I have so much I want to do, so much to see, so much to accomplish and I just feel like I'm running out of time already.
Then there's this feeling as I look over the last year of feeling like there's so much I should have done - should have gone to this, or should have enjoyed that more, or should have visited here or should have made better use of this. Every year I think of how much I need to do more - which is impossible for me given all we do already.
I don't mean to be so pessimistic on life - I'm really not - I love life and I love my life in particular- I do a lot and I enjoy most of what I do - I just feel like I have all these goals and dreams and that at some point I'm going to have to give up on a lot of them. And my birthday reminds me of those. Sooner or later, especially as I get older, I'm going to have to learn to let go of some of those aspirations and just enjoy what I have. And while that's great and life goes on, there is still a sadness in giving up on something because you just ran out of time - if only I had more time.
This sort of ties into another post I was planning to write about kids - I'll write more on it later - but I feel like we should have kids before we get too "old" so we're not the "old parents" and we're not too "old" to have the energy to enjoy their energy and we're not dead by the time we have the opportunity to have grandkids, but damn is there so much to do before we are ready to have kids. It's almost as if we had had them years ago we wouldn't even have experienced all that we have so we almost wouldn't have known the extent of what you give up - sort of a youthful ignorance that makes for happy parents. But at this point, we've seen more and more of the realities of what being a parent really takes and the true sacrifies that only age can impart upon you. We know so much more now then we even did three years ago about what there is out there and we think where we would be if we had kids three years ago - we'd be happy, loving parents who never got to see and do what we've been able to do the past few years. We'd have been happily and blissfully unaware of the sacrifices that we see now. So now that we're married folks ask the next logical question - when are the babies coming? Who knows? I question almost every day if we'll EVER be ready - when will we EVER be ready to just give it all up for kids? I don't mean to sound selfish - but that's sort of what it is - it's just too confusing. A friend's mom (my STL bonus mom) put it well when she told me that at some point once you decide that you are going to have children, you have to start putting their future well-being in front of yours - and that means having them young enough to be around for them for a long long time. I know I'm not to old to have kids now - will I be in a few years? Not sure. What if we decide to have three? Then we'll be having #3 in the late 30's - can we do that? Not sure. All these questions swirling in my head - right now we're at a point of being paralyzed by choices- more on that in another post.
Happy Birthday.