Three Days and Counting.

Saturday. Sunday. And Monday. Then the big test begins. Three days to learn over 20 subjects to such a degree that you can answer any number of questions on those subjects at moments notice. You have to memorize all the little nit-picky things because they don't test you on the broad topic (which you better know better then you know your name) but on the minute little exceptions. You recognize in a question that something is hearsay - then you realize that it's admissible because it's not hearsay because of an exception - but you better know if it is really an "exception" to the hearsay rules or something that is classified as "nonhearsay" and you'd better know whether or not that "exception" requires the "declarant" to be "unavailable" or not. So no matter how much you know what hearsay is - you'd better memorize the 18435 exceptions. One of the worst subjects is "Secured Transactions." I don't understand this subject to such an extent that I don't even understand what the name of the subject means. For instance "Constitutional Law" - I know that has to do with the laws surrounding the Constitution. "Evidence" deals with the laws of evidence. Etc. But "Secured Transactions"? What in God's green earth is a "secured transaction"? That's what I hope to learn in the next three days because apparently you've got a 90% chance of having one of those questions on the bar. My only real hope at this point is to hope and pray I get lucky and there is not a Secured Transactions question.
On another note, isn't it funny as you get older you just know yourself so well? On one hand I've been totally freaking about about this exam for the last few days but on the other hand I know that I go through this process before every Bar Exam (or any big stressing event). I know that I'm lazy and put it off thinking it won't take half as much time as it really does- and then it takes three times as long. Then I go through a good bit of freak out mode - nobody talk to me, try to communicate with me or otherwise distract me from my mission - learn this crap as much as humanly possible. Then I go through a study as much as I can but realize there's only so much to do and you've only got three days left. So that's where I'm at now. I'll do my best the next few days but the real freak out is over. Then I'll sort of freak out before I get on the plane on Monday thinking "I'm totally going to fail this" (because while I am working really hard on the enjoy every day thing, I am still really really failing on the positive thinking thing) but by the time I get to Chicago I'll have a nice sense of peace. At that point I'm like "bring it on." I am ready to go, ready to get it over with and cool as a cucumber. I'm not insanely nervous shaking or cramming, I just want it over with. For the first time in weeks I'll really be able to laugh again and I truely will get to a point where I don't care one bit if I pass or fail, but just that it's over with. Then I focus and get throgh the exam. I do this EVERY time I do anything that takes preparation - and exam, a test, an interview - same process. So now at least when I go through that freak out phase I know that it will be over soon and I can make it through it. It's cool how the older you get the more you realize how predictable you are (at least to yourself).
p.s. While I have this whole "process" figured out when it comes to scholastic/professional things, it obviously doesn't always apply to personal matters - case in point: the wedding - there was no amount of convincing me that I wasn't going to be indefinetly stressed about it and that I had a chance of enjoying the day - but had I paid attention to my history I should have known that come the big day, I would be cool as a cumcumber, ready to go and just want it over with. :) Almost to one year already!