Melissa Raffensperger?

Today I got the first of two sets of address labels I ordered for Cody and I - the first is for our wedding invitations with our names as they are now and the second is for our thank you cards, with our names as they will be in 10 weeks and 4 days. We got the second set in the mail today - it is TOTALLY weird to see us as Melissa and Cody Raffensperger - I'll be Melissa Raffensperger (I think I messed up four times before even typing that correctly - imagine having to write it every day). Wow. I really can't believe it. I'm excited - to be Melissa Raffensperger and have this whole thing over with.

On another note, I think wedding planning has imparted upon me a perpetual state of PMS - and I don't even have periods - (it's a medical medication miracle - sorry boys if you're reading this)!! Anyway, I'm moody, cranky, stressed, antsy, weepy and all over just emotional for no good reason. NO I am NOT pregnant!
I'm scared out of my mind one second and thrilled out of my mind the next. Don't worry it has nothing to do with Cody or my complete confidence in this relationship/wedding/marriage - it's just the wedding part. If something goes wrong at the wedding, something isn't done right, it's my fault. If something, including me, is ugly or looks stupid, it's my fault. The pressure is all on me - and if I screw it up it's not just some keg party that I forgot to buy extra nachos for - it's my damn wedding - presumably a once in a lifetime thing.
So therein lies the quandry - on one hand trying to make it your one big day and that whole once in a lifetime thing and all that crap about how you only do it once it better be perfect, and on the other just making decisions and moving on and realizing it's only one day in an entire life with someone - no matter what happens, in the end you'll be married and that's the point. So there's this dicotomy swirling in my head constantly. How ever to deal with them both?
I love throwing parties - for other people. I adore throwing Cody a huge birthday party every year (if you're in STL and reading this you better be at his birthday party this Saturday or I might go getting all emotional on you) - I seriously love it. I loved throwing four of our friends a big birthday party in September - loved it. I get to do all this fun planning, yeah it's a lot of work getting everything and getting the house in order, but in the end it's fantastic and we have a fun party. But the wedding is a whole 'nother ball game - it's our big party. The center of attention won't be on someone else - it will be me (and Cody I guess too :) ). That FREAKS me out! Yes, I talk a lot and can sometimes be known to monopolize a conversation - but that's in groups of less then 5 when I'm comfortable with those people (so if you're reading this and nodding your head about how, yes, I can monopolize a conversation, at least know that I feel comfortable with you). The wedding is a whole new ball park - tons of people all judging me. Me! If the chairs look like it's a funeral (Cody wanted to get black chairs for the wedding instead of white because they were cheaper but I said no because then it would look like a funeral) people will wonder why I would ever try to make my chairs look like a funeral. If I forget to get a guest book and just get everyone to sign a napkin, people will wonder why I"m an idiot. All sorts of dumb things like that. All swirling in my head at once. Damn I can't wait for this to be over. I think I need a drink . . . Ta ta for now!